Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
