I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
