the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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