The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
