Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize