never play flip cup with pint glasses
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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