and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
