Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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