my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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