One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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