i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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