I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize