I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
