: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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