I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have post one night stand depression
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