I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
