You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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