just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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