sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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