so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
