Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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