Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
