What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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