Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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