You made me cry and you don't even care
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
