I think my fart just growled at me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
