so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
