I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
