If i come over, it means nothing
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
