i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So vagazzling was a success
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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