Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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