I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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