I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
