I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
