i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
