Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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