just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
