New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
