Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
