His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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