I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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