I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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