yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No...this little piggys going to the bar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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