then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
