I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
a search helicopter?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
