they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
