i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
