Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
