I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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