my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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