life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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