Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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