The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
