i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
