Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize