Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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