I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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