there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
