How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
