The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
