so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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