just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
