Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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