And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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